My goodness. I am overwhelmed at the luck that has followed me around this week. It has been a stellar week and I am afraid to wake up on Monday morning to see what else wonderful is going to happen to me.
I was nominated for the prestigious Who's Who in America. This prestigious distinction is determined by Frank and Moe's panel of business excellence, headquartered in Pathetic, AK. Not only was I nominated by this panel but dozens of other panels with even more prestigious credentials. It is just overwhelming. I knew all along that I was born to greatness but this is way beyond expectation. I am just numb with shock and awe that I have been so fortunate.
The nice folks at Frank and Moe's have gotten sort of upset at me because, I hate to admit it, I am a procrastinator. I keep neglecting to acknowledge my candidacy and they are now threatening to take me off the list of candidates all together. Golly, gee-whiz they just sent me a FINAL NOTICE for acceptance. I put it in the pile of the twenty other FINAL NOTICES from similar Who's Who in Business, Who's Who in Agriculture ( I grew a fabulous tomoato plant in a pot this spring ) and Who's who in Golfing prowess and too many others to list.
If that is not enough I got an e-mail from a lady named Tammy Sue, who told me that I was the love of her life. I have not divulged this to my sweet wife, Nancy, with whom I just celebrated 38 years of marriage. Tammy Sue tells me that she has fallen madly in love with me and that she has posted pictures of herself on a select internet site for my viewing pleasure. She encouraged me to follow the link and make sure I had a credit card handy as I logged on. I have not done so because I am really not in the market for a girl friend but I don't want to hurt her feelings. After all to have expressed the undying love and devotion she has for me is quite humbling.
Then to just set everything else aside, I got an e-mail notification from an attorney in Nigeria. He represents a member of Nigerian royalty who is in exile and it turns out that this man is my Uncle. He has no other heirs and I am in a direct line to inherit millions of dollars. Of course there are understandeable bureaucratic hurdles that need to be overcome. That will require that the attorney represent me before the Nigerian consulate of dispensation to heirs. Looks like I am going to have to up front $10,000 and most likely more before we get the estate through probate. But, c'mon, what's a few thousand dollars against an inheritance of millions?
So you can see, that I have had an unbelievable week. Heavy emphasis on unbelievable. My son works as a financial crimes investigator and he tells me that all this pales against some of the other schemes out there. Good thing I have him to consult to keep my feet on the ground, huh?