Saturday, January 10, 2009

Losing weight

I will now post on a subject that I am an expert on. LOSING WEIGHT. I have lost 1000 pounds over the course of my lifetime. Unfortunately, I have gained back 1050. I am a 62 yoa white man with hypertension, diabetes and hyperlipidemia. Statistically, I am a ticking time bomb. I have had a couple of cardiac scares, one resulting in a heart cath. You would think that all that would motivate me to lose weight. NEGATORY. In fact I recently put on another 5 pounds over the holidays just to assure that I remain in as miserable a state of health as is possible.

The thing that I am not expert in is FINDING THE MOTIVATION. You see I have a chromosomal deficiency that causes me to be unable to lose weight. Let's just call it the fat gene. Yes I could choose to live a normal life and not go to Brickyard Pizzeria and buy that 16" beauty with the extra cheese, pepperoni, italian sausage and eat most of it myself. However, you see, I am compelled in that direction. Something deep in my dna drives me to overindulgence. In the midbrain of the normal human being there is a delicate balance of GABA, dopamine and endorphins. All stay at acceptable levels when they are ingesting food. I have a deviated mid-brain. Ah Hah, you say, " I knew that guy was not normal."

When I put the first bit of food substance in my mouth my mid-brain fires endorphins across my synapses. That is called the pleasure phenomenon. I experience a "high" just as real as the one that Corky the Cocaine addict does when he snorts his first line of cocaine. I am compelled to continue to shove pie in my pie hole in a piteable attempt to keep the endorphin level where it provides the euphoria I seek. It is not my fault that I have to sit with my pants unzipped and open at night as I sit in my recliner in order to breathe properly. I am a poor victim of a food addiction.

As Cheech and Chong, the great philosophers of my youth once said in one of their ballads, " I need help, ladies and gentlemens. I need someone to set a pick for me at the free throw line of life." ( Basketball Jones, circa 1972 ). I have been through 12 step programs. Notably Weight Watchers where I have lost a huge portion of my 1000 pounds. I have read the books. Been on the fad diets, grapefruit, sugar busters, etc. etc. The list drones on and on.

I used to be a smoker. After I moved to Tallahassee in 1972 I was well on my way to quitting. Then my Father flew into Tallahassee and we undertook a trip to Springfield, Ohio together. We were going to visit my Uncle Fred who was dying of lung cancer. My Dad was a prolific smoker, about 2 packs a day of Kools. I fell into temptation and bought myself a pack of Winstons and made like a chimney for a couple of days. I really looked cool with that cig hanging out of my pie hole. Sort of like the Marlboro man.

My Dad and I got up after our first night in the motel and made our way to the hospital. Now the last memory I had of my Uncle Fred was of a large 220 pound man with the vitality of a salesman. Here in front of me is my Uncle. He weighs about 90 pounds. They have already performed the thoracotomy and he is getting along with one lung. Here he sits on the side of his hospital bed, chain smoking unfiltered Camels. Joe Camel he did not remind me of. More like a prisoner of war. He is so hopelessly addicted to those cigarettes that he cannot take a breath without one in his mouth. My Dad and I left the hospital, I took the pack of Winstons out of my pocket and dropped them into a waste receptacle. My Uncle was dead two weeks later at 52 years of age. He left a widow and three children. He left an indelible image in my brain. I have not touched a cigarette in 35 plus years since the moment I threw away that pack of Winstons. Anytime I was tempted I conjured up the image of him in that hospital, sucking on those Camels. My slight addiction was forever more solved. I was MOTIVATED.

From whence cometh motivation? It is as elusive as the prize on American Idol. We have occasions of resolve. We last a few days and in my case, I walk into our home and smell the fragrance of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. My wife will then stumble over my pulsating form sitting in the corner with hot cookies on my breath and cold milk all dribbled down the front of my size 3x Lipscomb Lions Tee shirt.

Motivation is there. It lurks somewhere deep inside of us. It just needs an Uncle Fred to connect the dots for us. One of the great motivational speakers of all time was Zig Zeiglar. Zig would do this bit about the fact that we were all victims of "Stinkin Thinkin".

Well for me, my next stop is Nutrisystem. That is the well advertised program where you go on this prepared and carefully measured, portion control program. My motivation? Chris Berman, the Boomer, on ESPN. I saw a picture of this guy last summer in a Golf magazine. He was in a golf shirt and his stomach protruded out providing a landing pad for a Chinook helicopter. Now I see him on the Nutrisystem ads and he has lost 40 pounds. If the Boomer can do it then so can I .

We will see how it goes. This program is not cheap. You are buying breakfast bricks at the rate of $10 per. I figure if I have skin in the game it might just MOTIVATE me. The thought of having a heart attack that will cost me and my insurance provider $100,000 plus ain't getting it done. We shall see.

Visit me on the web http://elvass.com/

Chech and Chong, set me a pick:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtWu5iI6ZeA&feature=related

1 comment:

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